By
Anne Semans
I
bought the wrong thing..., that toy just didn't
work for me..., wish I had thought of that
before I bought..., the toy looks interesting
but expensive..., worried about experimenting...
If
these complaints sound familiar, read on.
There's nothing like expecting a night of
fireworks from a sexy new toy and then finding
it's got more fizzle than bang. Sure there
are sex toys that just won't work for you,
and some that are more hype than help, but
as often as not, the consumer hasn't done
enough of his or her own homework when selecting
the toy. You wouldn't buy a car without doing
a little research, and since you can't test-drive
a sex toy, you really want to think about
some of this stuff before buying! Here are
some basic pointers:
Know
Yourself
I mean this in the biblical sense. Believe
it or not many people buy toys without really
thinking about where or how they want to use
them. Maybe they think the vibrator will magically
know what to do when it senses a body nearby.
But it will help a lot if you know what body
part you want to stimulate (clitoris, vagina,
penis, anus, etc). If you don't know, masturbate.
This will help you discover what kind of stimulation
you like (hard, soft, slow, fast) so you can
choose a vibrator with a similar intensity.
If you're looking for a dildo, one handy trick
that's been passed around: buy a cucumber
and peel it down to a size you find comfortable
for insertion. Measure the length, then cut
it in half and measure the diameter. Now you
know what size dildo you need.
Lots
of people share stories of experimenting with
things they find around the house as a way
of discovering what feels good: a candle might
help gauge dildo size, an electric toothbrush
might clue you into vibrator intensity, a
cardboard toilet roll might turn you on to
a penis sleeve. While these are an enterprising
and economical way to experiment, you'll probably
find there are sex toys that get the job done
more efficiently!
To
help you further determine what you need,
I've included a "Toy Shopping Checklist"
at the end of this article.
Be
a Savvy Consumer
Once you've narrowed down what you're looking
for, you'll want to be a savvy consumer. Because
the adult industry has traditionally exploited
consumer fears and embarrassment around sex
toys, some wholesalers sell low quality merchandise
at inflated prices. I've heard from more than
one person who bought a fifty dollar toy only
to have it break down in three days. Try this:
Be
a skeptic: If the sales hype on a toy sounds
too good to be true, it probably is. Once
in awhile something really exciting comes
along that's worthy of the praise (for example:
Hitachi,
Nexus,
Fleshlight,
Eros
Lube). There's usually a groundswell
of interest, so try to find customer reviews
if you can.
Shop
at places you trust. Of course, we hope you're
hopping right over to Libida.com!
Get advice. Visit web sites that post customer
product reviews, ask friends about their favorites,
and look for bestsellers.
Check the returns policy. Some retailers will
let you return any toy for any reason within
a certain time frame. Libida, for example,
will take back any item within 60 days. (Don't
worry--the toys don't get resold!)
Keep
some perspective
If it's about money:
If you're hesitant to experiment with toys
because of the money or the unknown factor,
here's a little perspective: think of a disappointing
sex toy experience as somewhat akin to a disappointing
meal out. You might pay $60 at a fancy restaurant
for a meal that didn't thrill you, but it
wouldn't stop you from trying another new
restaurant. When you do stumble upon a great
restaurant, you've just improved the quality
of your life. Accept the fact that not all
sex toy experiences will be great ones, but
that the more you explore, the more likely
you are to end up with the orgasmic equivalent
of culinary bliss.
Sex
toys and partners:
If you're buying a toy for partner play, it
helps to keep this adage in mind: "you
can't please all the people all the time".
What works for you might not work for your
partner, so if you're expecting the toy to
deliver mind-blowing simultaneous mutual orgasms,
there's a good chance you'll be disappointed.
Make sure your partner is a willing participant,
otherwise you run the risk of making them
feel inadequate or insecure if you whip out
a new toy in the heat of passion. Keep a sense
of humor, which comes in handy when you're
strapping on a marble-colored dildo or a cock
ring that looks like a dolphin. Whether or
not they live up to your expectations, sharing
sex toys with partners is a great way to communicate
about your sexual needs and to explore new
erotic terrain.
Remember
Murphy's law:
If a toy is going to run out of batteries
or break down--it will just before you reach
orgasm. Consider keeping plenty of spare batteries
on hand and stocking a back up of your favorite
toy.
Toy
Shopping Checklist
I've modified this quick and dirty shopping
checklist from my book The
Good Vibrations Guide to Sex ]. I've
put examples of some of the specific products
in parentheses.
General
Purpose. What part (or parts) of your body
do you want to stimulate? Is it for solo play,
partner sex or both?
Texture.
If you’ll be inserting the toy, do you
want hard plastic or something more pliable:
vinyl, rubber, cyberskin or silicone? Nonporous
surfaces are easier to clean.
Shape.
Smooth? Rippled? Curved? Resembling a penis
or non-realistic?
Size. If inserting, determine diameter and
length before buying.
Color.
Flesh tones? Pastels? Metallics? Jewel tones?
Glow-in-the-dark?
Vibrators
Intensity. In general, electric vibrators
(Hitachi)
offer stronger vibrations than battery models
(Classic).
Durability. Electric vibrators (Hitachi) and
brand-name battery vibrators (Panasonic)
last the longest.
Portability. Battery vibrators or rechargeable
electric models travel well. Some (Rechargeable
Vibe, Natural
Contours, Lipstick
Vibe) are discreet enough to pass
any security check.
Noise. Coil-operated electric vibes (Tender
Touch) are the quietest, hard plastic
battery vibrators (Classic)
and some large wand vibrators (Hitachi)
are the loudest.
Dildos
Expense. If you’re experimenting to determine
your preferences, try a cheaper rubber (Harry)
or jelly model (Rod).
If you already know what you like, invest
in a longer-lasting, higher quality silicone
model (Champ).
Function. If you plan to wear the dildo in
a harness (Terra
Firma), select one that’s at
least six inches long and has a flared base
(Mistress).
Anal toys
Shape. If you enjoy the sensation of your
anus expanding and contracting, you might
want to buy anal beads (Love
Beads) or a rippled plug (Ruby
Ribbed). If you prefer penetration
without movement, try a diamond-shaped model
(Buddy)
which you can wear in place. If you want to
stroke in and out of your rectum, select a
slim dildo (Willie).
Safety.
Your anal toy should have a flared base (Buddy).
Make sure that the surface of your toy is
completely smooth and nonabrasive.
Anne
Semans is the co-author of The
Mother's Guide to Sex,
The
New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex,
and The
Woman's Guide to Sex on the Web.
Copyright
2002 Anne Semans
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